A Halloween Poem / Halloween Jack

There is an old hermit –

Who lives in a shack.

 The Town kids all call him –

Halloween Jack.


He lived in the forest –

Almost never came out.

But on Halloween night –

He was always about.


Jack so loved Halloween –

And all that it brought.

Creatures and candy –

And all of that rot.


Ghosties and witches –

And monsters and such.

But Jack didn’t like –

The town’s kids so much.


For all of his kindness –

And all of his care.

Those stingy little children –

Just would not share.


Jack begged and he pleaded –

But they just would not share.

Those stingy little bastards –

Just would not share!


Jack quickly realized –

That to get any play.

He’d have to dress up –

And do it their way.


So he knocked and he rang –

And he sang, “Trick or Treat!”

“Trick or Treat – smell my feet.”

“Give me something good to eat!”


But every door that he went to –

They slammed in his face.

They screamed and they panicked –

And sprayed him with mace.


“These goodies are for children.”

“Every candy bar and chew”

“Halloween is for kids.”

“Not for weirdoes like you!”


There was only so much –

That poor Jack could take.

Rejected – dejected –

He sat down to think.


There was plenty of candy –

And Halloween gloom.

But with all the kids hogging it –

What was poor Jack to do?


The voices in Jack’s head –

Told him just what to do.

The buddies in his head –

Named Worm #1 and Worm #2.


“You should take all their candy.”

“’Cause that’s what monsters do.”

“You should teach those little bastards.”

“Not to be rude!”


So with a swing of his cane –

He gave them a whack!

And with a chop of his hatchet –

He gave them a hack!


He whacked and he hacked –

And he hacked and he whacked.

Hack-hack, whack-whack –



Jack finished that Halloween –

With a grin on his face.

He chopped up the woman –

Who had sprayed him with mace.


He pooped in her flowers –

And he peed on her bed.

And gobbled his candy –

From her hollowed out head.


The moral of this story?

When Jack is about.

Hand over your candy –

And clear the hell out.


That night the town’s kids –

Learned one simple fact.

Nobody messes –

With Halloween Jack!

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